FINDING MY WAY BACK TO ME...Why I wrote this book

Finding My Way Back To Me by Amanda J Scott

For the longest time I didn’t realise that what I lived with every day was abuse.

A large part of the problem was that I was in denial believing that my husband’s control over my every move was just love and a protective nature, when in actual fact – it was abuse.

Abuse takes many forms and is often hidden. Whether it is emotional, physical, financial or sexual abuse, it creates feelings of shame in the abused, which keeps them stuck.

No-one wants to believe that they are unloved and uncared for, and so I made excuses for my husband’s behaviour, rather than accept the truth – that he cared only for himself.

In my case abuse grew slowly, and what started out as one incident of disrespect, became two and three until eventually it became what I lived with every day.

I suffered from emotional and financial abuse. I can honestly say that I don’t remember which came first, but as I look back, it was clearly the emotional abuse that enabled the financial abuse.

The emotional abuse was underpinned by a total control over my life. Not being allowed to spend time with friends; having your every movement and outing questioned; told you are too stupid to participate in conversations that do not involve house management or the children; and never being praised, only criticised, took its toll on me.

In the end I believed I could do nothing right and was good for nothing. This became the perfect set up for financial abuse which took the form of being too scared to take any money out because of the inevitable repercussions; never being consulted on any financial decisions for which I would be held responsible; giving my power of attorney to my husband; and being told weekly what I could spend, when and on what.

At the time, the emotional battering and the lack of access to money felt like separate issues, and yet they were part of the same pattern of behaviour – being treated with no respect.

Finding My Way Back To Me

I wrote Finding My Way Back To Me because I wanted to share my lived experience and help shine more light on this issue, as my greatest hope is that my story can bring awareness and support to people who are still living in an abusive situation.

The book is made up of the 43 pivotal days it took me to change my life. While my story took place over two years, these were the days when I was pushed to my limits, forced to make decisions and move beyond my comfort zone to create a new life.

From my own lived experience, I believe we can all heal, grow, and move on to create the life we deserve.

No-one else’s happiness is more important than yours, but this also means that you are the starting point for change.

Leaving and moving to a better life starts with a decision… and once that decision is made you have taken the very first step to find your way back to you.

Amanda J Scott